Midnight Pain

8 August 2011

It’s two in the morning

Ad I’m sitting here dying

Because my friend’s there crying

Over broken hearts and

Promises that won’t be kept

And those things he said

She’s given up and it’s

Breaking me

Just tearing me apart

I can’t show it

It’s not my issue except

That it is by association

Thin line across my pain

The heartbreak

Tears welling and rolling

Like the midnight rain

Pain spilling into the abyss that is my chest

Empty and spoiled like the

Innocence of those who

Have seen death

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One Response to “Midnight Pain”

  1. As always, I love the wording, you always seem to choose the most powerful words to get the point across.

    So, I just have a few suggestions about the structure. Here’s what I found –

    “Ad I’m sitting here dying”
    “and” is missing a letter.

    “Over broken hearts and”
    Consider taking out the “And”, while reading, I kind of stumbled over it.

    “She’s given up and it’s
    Breaking me”
    Consider splitting the stanza at “and it’s” rather than at “breaking me”.

    And finally,
    “Empty and spoiled like the
    Innocence of those who”
    Consider splitting that at “the” rather than at “Innocence”.

    That’s all. I love the powerful emotions in this, its main theme is helplessness with a low undertone of “I’m gonna kick his ass for hurting you”. It’s a common and unfortunately very true theme for friends. Great work!

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