Boys Love (Very Old Sonnet)

10 December 2011

Boys will tell you what you wish to be told

I love you and I’ll be here forever

They ask you to do things, being quite bold

When you don’t concede, they say they never

Laid upon your lips a million kisses

Whether heart felt or not shallow or deep

They never wanted you as their missus

They say that their heart was not your to keep

No heed be pain to the heart that they broke

The shattered dream life of the once loved

The fires of their love they will never stoke

They leave the girls life, the holow they never coved

At a point every girl goes through this

Until they find someone to always kiss

Your Blind Forever

10 December 2011

You musn’t see the terror 

That my face masks

You can’t hear my silent cries

As my heart asks

What killed forever?

Who took it away

Was it your hands’ bribe

That led it astray?

My love has flowed as a river

Connecting the hearts of you and me

Now, your heart is stone

Heart is stone

And you can’t see

It’s as though you’re blind

In a midnight world

And I pantomime in a 

Wind all a-twirl

And as you flee

I scream for the lost

For the millions who’ve played host

“Why is my soul the cost?!”

Somebody save m…

10 December 2011

Somebody save me

Be my strength

Tell me how this should go

How should I feel

Is there a right way?

Somebody’s going to get hurt

And I’ll hurt most of all

But something must be done

And  seen…

This hurts more than anything

Suicide’s Siren Call

10 December 2011

This is when death’s call haunts me

When your tearstained face turns my way

And angry lyrics beat me to pieces

When it looks hopeless and devoid

When I can’t connect to you

When my choices harm you

And I can’t keep my tears at bay

I just want it all to go away

To leave me, just leave me behind

Love,

love,

It’s just a word isn’t it?

Even it can’t sum up my feelings

Or how hurt I am but don’t appear

I’ll just leave now, save you pain.

I assume that’d be best

It sure feels like it

Suicide’s Siren cal

But that’s weak, right?

I have no clue.

Just pain.

Sorry

10 December 2011

I’m sorry

Sorry I’m not the girl I once was

Sorry I’m not the virgin

Sorry I keep failing you

Failing to read every nuance

Failing to know

Failing to keep you my one and only

You were the first man to touch me

The only boy to take my heart 

So fully in his hands

But when does the taking stop?

When do I stop failing?

I failed to stay,

Failed to read,

Failed to do enough

My will is fading and it’s all dark.

I doubt I can stop failing when

I feel so hopeless.

So, to end this poem

I’ll just say I’m sorry

So, soo sorry

For hurting and failing you

On The Pavement

10 December 2011

Screams ring out through the house

Through the night, calm but here.

Emotions race, volatile in the night

Our hearts spilled on the pavement

Open wounds put together

Slice here, I give the blade

You spew venom upon my forlorn form

It hits, aching, stinging and burning

Tears well, spill, paining me more

Now, when I need you most,

You’re a million miles away

A small stone room even I can’t penetrate

And I’m spread on pavement, my every

Every wound and fright open to you

Trust barely held in Iron grasp

I can barely look at you

Slap me away, turn from me

Just a pinch more salt to add to my tears,

I see the dawning of understanding

I’m falling, but your arms catch me

Your cushion finally,

After a million year free fall

I’m safe in your arms once more

Held secure against the storm

Approval Seeker

10 December 2011

I remember the old days

When I watched every word

Every action pointed to you

Your approval was what I longed for

Why I watched my words

Watched my actions and thoughts

I was so scared

Scared that you’d disapprove

And now

Even now I still ache for the pride

In your voice when you talk of me

When you’re happy to know me

I still tailor my actions

Still watch my words,

Though not nearly as carefully

Because I know

Deep down, you know me

You approve no matter what

You know every nuance

Every twist and turn of me

I’m no longer yours

Nor are you mine

But I’m bound to you

And your approval is my drug

Your smile my golden medal

I smile as I remember

Those days of shy revelations

Where I feared you would hate me

Some

10 December 2011

I lament my luck to some

To others I always become

Joyous and extraordinary

With no such bad burden to carry

Familiar

10 December 2011

I feel as if I’ve known you forever

Though we’ve just now met

The feel of your skin as familiar

As the lands that I deem home

We synchronize

Like the air and the earth

A dance only mates can know

Your sweetness is cloying

Overwhelming my senses in richness

Your personality looks tailored to my own

I don’t know what to do

What to say to express this

I find it all awkward

Hoping that I won’t scare you away

Maybe I should ask you

If you’d like to take the shot

But I’ll wait a bit before I ask outright

My World

10 December 2011

You hold my world in the palms of your hands

You hold my heart in your soul

My hardest battle isn’t you but myself

And you leave me a-twirl

Each passing day is more frantic and risky

Each thought another dagger’s point

I dress to impress you

Live to please you

And I don’t know if it’s enough

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