High School Love

9 February 2013

I used to look for you

Sitting near, ensconsed in friends

Always lit in my vision

My soul made you stand out

I noticed when you weren’t there

I knew, each time

You walked through that door

It often felt we were

The only two there

I filled the space

With another lover

My darker double

But it didn’t stop the notice you got

Especially when you wore the shirt I favored

There are no words for how you looked

For how exactly I noticed you.

Just know that even now

When we meet by chance

I ask if it’s really chance

Or if it’s another thing altogether

That draws us together like magnets

You are one of three

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I Shy

23 April 2012

I shy away
The deer fearing touch
The hand fearing burn
The cat fearing hurt
Every time I see you
It feels like a slap in my heart
The cave that’s rebuilding

The Bitter End

23 April 2012

I want to scream and yell and scratch
To battle you and make it hurt less
To ward away the pain with words
But at the same time
I just want you to take me into your arms
Convince me that all is well
Convince me that it’s all just a horrid dream
But I know it’s not
And I know we can’t go back there
This is the bitter end
But there was no ending
No finality
Just a ripping pain
Like flesh being torn

Now I know the meaning

When they say it’s til the bitter end

This is it

This excruciating emotional agony 

Entity

14 April 2012

I already long for you as a puzzle does it’s missing piece

I feel as though I’m part of the unit

I’m all too aware of the spaces your fingers aren’t in

and how your lips aren’t on mine

We fit so perfectly

Physically

Emotionally

Mentally

I long for the feeling of your soul near me

I yearn for your voice and the way we sleep

Like the same being fit together

Pulsing in synchronicity

It’s been so short a time

But already there’s a hole

That only your beautiful soul can fill

We’ve melded

Without the ritual

Without the ceremony

Melded into and entity

Entirely our own.

Miss Missing You

14 April 2012

I wouldn’t miss missing you

It’s the most delicious space

Knowing I have your love to miss

The amazing soul I call mine.

Unlocking The Deep

14 April 2012

As I unlock this part of me

I have to face the deepest hurts

The ones buried so far

As to not be seen

The memories that creep

The hurts that jump and tear

The scars that are still bleeding

Deep inside

Those unbidden tears

That you can’t withhold

Painful memories

Ones you haven’t yet let go of

When you hadn’t realized the true extent of the pain

Of how terrible it really was

How horrible he really was

Being reminded so suddenly

Jarring

Excruciating

But it needs to be dealt with

So you can move on

Move in the positive direction that you know you’re going in

But this joyous part of you won’t be gone

It will aid you along

The path of healing and love

Forget the toxicity

Forget the anger

The fear

The anguish

The abuse

Remember only those around you

The ones who love you

The ones who need you

Be your strength

The blinding force you truly possess

Be you

Not the abused little one you were

Confidence

30 January 2012

Worn like a cloak

Wrapping you in allure

Showing you shining

In your element

Everything in your stride

You know you’re beautiful

Know you will be strong

Understand that you’re worthy

Worth everything that you receive

Deserving of the praise and intrigue

Keep the faith you have in yourself

You’re beautiful

Never let someone make you unworthy again

Boys Love (Very Old Sonnet)

10 December 2011

Boys will tell you what you wish to be told

I love you and I’ll be here forever

They ask you to do things, being quite bold

When you don’t concede, they say they never

Laid upon your lips a million kisses

Whether heart felt or not shallow or deep

They never wanted you as their missus

They say that their heart was not your to keep

No heed be pain to the heart that they broke

The shattered dream life of the once loved

The fires of their love they will never stoke

They leave the girls life, the holow they never coved

At a point every girl goes through this

Until they find someone to always kiss

Your Blind Forever

10 December 2011

You musn’t see the terror 

That my face masks

You can’t hear my silent cries

As my heart asks

What killed forever?

Who took it away

Was it your hands’ bribe

That led it astray?

My love has flowed as a river

Connecting the hearts of you and me

Now, your heart is stone

Heart is stone

And you can’t see

It’s as though you’re blind

In a midnight world

And I pantomime in a 

Wind all a-twirl

And as you flee

I scream for the lost

For the millions who’ve played host

“Why is my soul the cost?!”

Somebody save m…

10 December 2011

Somebody save me

Be my strength

Tell me how this should go

How should I feel

Is there a right way?

Somebody’s going to get hurt

And I’ll hurt most of all

But something must be done

And  seen…

This hurts more than anything

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