Suicide’s Siren Call

10 December 2011

This is when death’s call haunts me

When your tearstained face turns my way

And angry lyrics beat me to pieces

When it looks hopeless and devoid

When I can’t connect to you

When my choices harm you

And I can’t keep my tears at bay

I just want it all to go away

To leave me, just leave me behind



It’s just a word isn’t it?

Even it can’t sum up my feelings

Or how hurt I am but don’t appear

I’ll just leave now, save you pain.

I assume that’d be best

It sure feels like it

Suicide’s Siren cal

But that’s weak, right?

I have no clue.

Just pain.



10 December 2011

I’m sorry

Sorry I’m not the girl I once was

Sorry I’m not the virgin

Sorry I keep failing you

Failing to read every nuance

Failing to know

Failing to keep you my one and only

You were the first man to touch me

The only boy to take my heart 

So fully in his hands

But when does the taking stop?

When do I stop failing?

I failed to stay,

Failed to read,

Failed to do enough

My will is fading and it’s all dark.

I doubt I can stop failing when

I feel so hopeless.

So, to end this poem

I’ll just say I’m sorry

So, soo sorry

For hurting and failing you

On The Pavement

10 December 2011

Screams ring out through the house

Through the night, calm but here.

Emotions race, volatile in the night

Our hearts spilled on the pavement

Open wounds put together

Slice here, I give the blade

You spew venom upon my forlorn form

It hits, aching, stinging and burning

Tears well, spill, paining me more

Now, when I need you most,

You’re a million miles away

A small stone room even I can’t penetrate

And I’m spread on pavement, my every

Every wound and fright open to you

Trust barely held in Iron grasp

I can barely look at you

Slap me away, turn from me

Just a pinch more salt to add to my tears,

I see the dawning of understanding

I’m falling, but your arms catch me

Your cushion finally,

After a million year free fall

I’m safe in your arms once more

Held secure against the storm

Approval Seeker

10 December 2011

I remember the old days

When I watched every word

Every action pointed to you

Your approval was what I longed for

Why I watched my words

Watched my actions and thoughts

I was so scared

Scared that you’d disapprove

And now

Even now I still ache for the pride

In your voice when you talk of me

When you’re happy to know me

I still tailor my actions

Still watch my words,

Though not nearly as carefully

Because I know

Deep down, you know me

You approve no matter what

You know every nuance

Every twist and turn of me

I’m no longer yours

Nor are you mine

But I’m bound to you

And your approval is my drug

Your smile my golden medal

I smile as I remember

Those days of shy revelations

Where I feared you would hate me


10 December 2011

I lament my luck to some

To others I always become

Joyous and extraordinary

With no such bad burden to carry


10 December 2011

I feel as if I’ve known you forever

Though we’ve just now met

The feel of your skin as familiar

As the lands that I deem home

We synchronize

Like the air and the earth

A dance only mates can know

Your sweetness is cloying

Overwhelming my senses in richness

Your personality looks tailored to my own

I don’t know what to do

What to say to express this

I find it all awkward

Hoping that I won’t scare you away

Maybe I should ask you

If you’d like to take the shot

But I’ll wait a bit before I ask outright

My World

10 December 2011

You hold my world in the palms of your hands

You hold my heart in your soul

My hardest battle isn’t you but myself

And you leave me a-twirl

Each passing day is more frantic and risky

Each thought another dagger’s point

I dress to impress you

Live to please you

And I don’t know if it’s enough


10 December 2011

You are my distraction

In this crazy world

You are my sanity

When my mind’s all a-whirl

To you we’re called music

To me we’re called love

Mistaken Need

10 December 2011

What happened to the need that you confessed?

Did she steal that away as well?

Do you no longer even think of me in passing?

My thoughts turn to you every moment

Constantly wondering where you are

What you’re doing

If you’re sparing me a glancing thought

Do you love me?

Do you need me?

I am heart and soul yours,

Barely there for many others

I desperately need your approval

And I don’t know if I have it

I fight every day against the need

The obsession my soul has

My heart holds too tight to the memories

So tightly that they haunt me

Cause my mind to turn wickedly away

Turn to drowning in other sensations

Drowning the sorrow and the mistake

I’m trying to figure

Figure out if I’ll ever make it up

Not only to you

But to myself


10 December 2011

Little feet patter

A shy smile half hides

Laughter rings behind it

No skirts to hide behind

Just audacious advances

Innocent eyes watch

Ready to imitate

Ready to learn

Eagar to show off,

To please and be loved

Can’t help but be happy with them

Give some but not all

A mile or an inch

Either’s more than enough

You’ve earned a smile

Earn a laugh and you’re golden

A hug?


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